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P1952

P1951

P1950

P1949 I'm not fit


I'm not fit, I have a huge ass zit,
With talking worms inside. 
The worms converse, in english too, 
Better than mine, I confide.

Maybe this is my second asshole, 
But I'll look like a perverted clown. 
Now poop will get redirected, 
Certainly a reason to frown.

Why do bad things happen to cartoons, 
Surely I haven't hurt a soul. 
In fact I only exist, 
When someone this blog would scroll.

Oh the gods are really fucked up,
They should've straightened first my pout.
Now I have another issue, 
A face with worms dangling out.

P1948 Don't know shit

Don't know shit, I'm a purohit,
I mispronounce old sanskrit koans.
Formulaic rhythm and rhymes,
Chosen to fool the chosen ones.

Abracadabra, pulling wool over eyes,
Is easy if your eyes by faith are fed.
Here for example, in a pedantic trance, 
They see a blue ghost on my head.

My fees are high, in fire my feces I fry,
But the fools don't mind the smell. 
They're really very dim, I hum a hymn,
Detailing a fall into hindu hell.

I mumble this and that, praise from the fat,
The podgy are as dumb as bovine dung.
In the haze of smoke and crackling fire,
The cannabis smoke gets the suckers strung. 

Strategies are plain, use vain praise like rain,
In various parts of speech as spice. 
The word "holy" enunciated multiple times, 
Complete the heist in a trifling trice.

Snake oils easy to sell, do just tell, 
And everyone's convinced I bring luck.
Pretty shiny coins, I entertain my loins, 
Especially if a husband can't fuck.

I leave with a wad of cash, their assholes slashed, 
But they think it's totally worth it.
I have another place to go, more rich I grow, 
All I know is people are dumb shit. 

 

P1947

P1946 I pray to my god


I pray to my god, this dick with balls odd,
That please don't let people fuck me so. 
You know how much I respect and love you,
Yet, why you treat me like a ho?

People tell me I'm old, but I've always done as told, 
I studied the holy books like they made sense. 
Carried my life in structured adherence, 
The blow jobs I gave you, never charged a pence.

I have no cash, my anus a wounded gash,
Holy holy holy, cow fuck true. 
Now I need a job, I come here to sob,
I'll sit and cry until my balls turn blue. 

Sweet diabetic pee, as I can clearly see,
The ants are lapping it up I find. 
Maybe dear god a little less, sugar I confess, 
In your diet will clear your mind.

Maybe from your pee, I can make tea,
That way I'll save money on sugar cubes.
Or in my old crotch, with cheap bengali scotch,
A recipe for young shiny pubes.

If you spare your shit, that's what I'll eat,
I'm so poor you've no fucking know. 
I starve half a day, at night eat I may,
Parsimoniously every grain for later I stow.

Or you can in head, tell me to be dead, 
I'll sit my asshole on a sharp cactus thorn.
My life sucks smelly snot, suffering and whatnot, 
I've come to you sad and forlorn. 

 

P1938 I tug on my dick


A bachelor's life is full of strife, 
I tug on my dick quite a lot. 
I sit on a chair and touch my tit,
I blow a wad of cum on the spot.

The cum dribbles down my chin,
I stick my tongue out for taste. 
Meanwhile the girl in the movie, 
Wipes cum from her face in haste.

I decide the movie plot was vacuously thin, 
I snuggle up to my pillow to sleep. 
I notice It takes only ten seconds, 
To orgasm every week.

It's not even four times in a month, 
The pressure is rarely high.
Only a decade ago,
The needle was stuck to the sky.

That's how it is, and even the piss,
Doesn't have the strength at all.
Before, the torrent could blow a hole,
Or collapse a weakened wall.

But the farts make me proud,
I can be heard through concrete thick.
The hair in my nostrils and on my asshole, 
Could make anyone indeed very sick. 

I eat a lot and shit a lot more,
That's a middle-aged person for you.
The only other thing that's good,
Is a memory that remembers few.

But I'm not really that fat, an imaginary cat,
Likes to shit on my calcutta bed.
A city of selfish semi-literate, where I live,
Nitwits with vacuum in their heads.

Astrologically I'm a putrid pile of poop,
That could ruin anyone's horoscope chart.
Most people hate my plump hairy balls,
Because always on their face I fart. 

Straight up bullshit reigns supreme here, 
The politicians, the lowest morality souls. 
If I ever manage a strong erection, 
I swear to god, I'll fuck their holes.

Corrupt mustachioed oily goons,
Flaunt their shit all the time.
While the educated live in abject poverty,
Honesty is honestly a big fault of mine. 

I'm unusually full of anxious worms, 
That feast on my asshole at night. 
They make me grit my teeth a lot,
My gums now live in fright.

My sweat stinks like compost, the boogers make you think,
Flies spend their lifetime on my skin.
Overall,  the package as I approach the end,
Makes hairs on my head balding thin.

But that's how life is folks, 
That's fucking how it is.
Now I've to run to the bathroom again,
To take this night's millionth piss.

 

P1937

P1936

P1935 All for some apples...



“… you are dealing with somebody who has the sort of mentality which likes leaving hats on pavements with bricks under them…” - Douglas Adams

Scientists like to know, if god designed a brain with a want for sugar, why would he ask Adam and Steve to stay away from the apple tree? An all-knowing god would've modified the reward pathway for sugar craving in the dorsal striatum of their brain instead of going through banishment paperwork and other unnecessary bureaucratic hassles. It’s sad that, apart from being petty, god put the couple in such a nightmarishly metaphorical dilemma, knowing fully well that they were hungry and clueless and that they hadn’t taken classes in figures of speech. Getting all worked up about some apples and asking them to leave sounds like somebody with serious anger issues and in dire need of psychotherapy and medication. Therefore, plainly human and certainly not divine. Maybe god should rot in hell for this incorrigible behavior.

P1934 I fall


I fall, I fall, I fall with my balls,
They're heavier than at least my face.
I can't seem to stick to the side that's upright, 
I always fall from gravity's grace.

I think I'll hit a ready-made grave  this time, 
What else is there to see?
The world has a color of pallid sorrow, 
I'll probably drive the introspection silly. 

It's really sad, that I should end up mad,
I really ought to lecture my neurons straight. 
But the strategy of talk, doesn't really work,
The disease is a genetic trait.

At least I leave no sign in genes, 
The bullshit stops with me.
When I die, people will jostle and vie,
Who gets to shit on my dead body.

I'll probably rot in vain, a calcutta drain,
Will be where I'll end up doggedly dead.
The worms in the feces will do the deed,
My words in living memory, easily erased.


P1933 Math002


$$$$
If
$$ {fuck}^{{fuck}^{fuck}}=\frac{1}{2}^{\sqrt{2}} $$
Rewriting right hand side 
$$\equiv \frac{1}{2}^{\sqrt2\frac{\sqrt2}{\sqrt2}}$$
$$\equiv \frac{1}{2}^{2\frac{1}{\sqrt2}}$$
$$\equiv \frac{1^2}{2^2}^{\frac{1}{\sqrt2}}$$
$$\equiv \frac{1}{4}^{\frac{1}{\sqrt2}}$$
$$\equiv \frac{1}{4}^{\sqrt{\frac{1}{2}}}$$
$$\equiv \frac{1}{4}^{\frac{1}{2}^{\frac{1}{2}}}$$

$$\equiv \frac{1}{4}^{\frac{1}{4}^{\frac{1}{2}^{\frac{1}{2}}}}$$
$$\equiv \frac{1}{4}^{\frac{1}{4}^{\frac{1}{4}}}$$

$$\therefore fuck = \frac{1}{4}$$

P1932

P1931 There's a lizard on my ass


There's a lizard on my ass, weird color it has,
It might even be a dinosaur. 
All I know, my asshole clenched like a ho,
Can't fart freely like before.

It's intentions might be well, but you can never tell,
It can literally get inside my softy ass.
It's terrible as I see it, there's an impending ball of shit, 
I can't forever hold the pressured gas.

Oopsie poopsie regularly the case,
My poop often loose like cheese feta.
Now this unholy ungodly lizard after my asshole, 
I detect the smell of vendetta. 

Or maybe it's my fart,
A turd now closer to the hole.
Will the lizard bite my poop,
Or interfere with its gravitational goal?

Verily to all 33 million deities I pray,
Then with the gods in tow, I relax the sphincter so.
I'll bury it in my sweet shit, yes, I see it fit,
I wouldn’t want to be tormented like so.

I let out a flurry of liquid shit, the lizard on top of it,
The match isn't over, and I shit some more, and more.
Clapping gods with consensual nods, and by force of fart,
I bury the son of a bitch lizard whore.

The winner usually takes all,
But I flush the shit with thanks,
I feel happy and goodly gay, yay,
The lizard dead in the septic tank.





P1930 You'll never be a dad

You'll never be a dad, it's so totally really sad, 
But I must mention the dick's size was loser quality shit.
Would you like to die now, or somehow,
Try to dally a little bit?

I could eat you in part, really refined art,
I'll cheer to see you profusely bleed. 
I'll be slow and nice, it should suffice, 
That next on your asshole I feed.

Any last scurrilous thoughts, any fantasy you got?
May be I suck that bleeding stump?
Then go behind your back, with my teeth I hack,
Deeper into your compromised rump?

I'll love to eat your shit, savor every bit,
I'm totally into gourmet scat. 
Your juicy balls made my day, allow me if I may,
Complement your quivering belly fat.

I'm sure I'll love to chew on it, with shit in it,
All my dreams are coming totally true. 
Come my dear into my mouth, 
Let's put some red in this sea so blue. 

 

P1929 I'm bleeding from my nose


I'm bleeding from my nose, in full force,
Lurching from crisis to crisis. 
Yesterday I was numb with blood and cum,
I know because I drink my piss.

What are the goals of the gods, 
Why do they fist my asshole so?
The world's increasingly inhospitable, 
Keep running into pimps and their whores.

Life is such a suck, my ass puckered fuck,
Don't feel I've got any blood left.
Trying to come back, the last cigarette pack,
Even wishing requires a lot of heft.

My dick isn't circumscribed, I'm always surprised, 
When girls with tight cunts invite me.
Without a lubricant, a chance however scant,
That it'll be bit off by her cunny.

Wallowing deep in piss, I never meet a miss,
Who has a hole made for my pole.
I believe my luck is totally fucked, 
I'm destined to be a lonely soul.

I'm not a hypochondriac, all the shit's that stuck,
Has a real legitimate dislocated cause. 
Plus the color on my asshole is weird, 
Gods know the color of severe blood loss.

I know that for a fact, I talk to them about that,
The gods know quite a lot about anal piles. 
Their fingers they stick, thick with nivea cream, 
The reason why I'm a guy who never smiles.

 

P1928

P1927

P1926 I look at my dick


Oh my god, in my ass a red hot rod,
I'll be my own favorite shit stew.
An unexamined shit hole, was never an end goal, 
I live incarcerated in my own mind zoo.

But what the fuck, as I must ask,
The how, the why and the wherefore. 
A mind still young, no new ladder or rung,
Should I stand on the road like a whore?

I don't have any eggs, the question it begs,
I should may be keep trying.
I'll find a tight hole, for my little pole, 
Then all my old songs I'll sing.

I look at my dick, it's healthy and thick,
I like to suck it without any spills.
I've tasted my cum, yummy yum yum,
But the gears to get it up need pills.

I know what's on your mind, I hurry to remind,
I'm not a pituitary misfit. 
It's the girls around me, quite plump and homely,
Something is always dead in their pit.

Plus their cunts are loose, I get confused, 
It's like I'm inside their big yapping mouth. 
So when sometimes I see it fit, in their cunt I shit,
Then run away to hibernate in the colder south. 

And I'm not fond of hairy cunts, I can't say that, so I shan't, 
But you get my drift I hope. 
I've always wanted to fuck fully clothed nuns, 
Wanted to be that desperate loony groping pope.

I'd rather and I've settled to fuck a doll, buying one this fall,
Whose head can be turned all the way around. 
I'll fuck the hole in the twisty head, plastic is always dead,
Nobody would look for her if not found.

 

P1925

P1924 Math001




If $$ $$ 
$$\frac{1}{fuck}+\frac{1}{suck}+\frac{1}{cock}=0$$ --(1)

And $${fuck}+{suck}+{cock}=sin^2shit+cos^2shit $$ --(2)

Find
$${fuck}^2+{suck}^2+{cock}^2$$

Well, to start we know the right side of (2) is 1
$$\because sin^2shit+cos^2shit=1 $$
This after all is pythagoras's shit although history tells us it came out from some other asshole. 

So $${fuck}+{suck}+{cock}=1$$

Squaring both sides
$$\equiv ({fuck}+{suck}+{cock})^2=1$$
Expanding the square...
$$\equiv {fuck}^2+{suck}^2+{cock}^2+$$
$$   +2(suckcock+cockfuck+fucksuck)=1$$

$$\therefore rearranging $$
$${fuck}^2+{suck}^2+{cock}^2=1-$$
$$2(suckcock+cockfuck+fucksuck)$$

Now from (1)
$$\frac{1}{fuck}+\frac{1}{suck}+\frac{1}{cock}=0$$
$$\equiv \frac{suckcock+cockfuck+fucksuck}{fucksuckcock}=0$$

$$\therefore suckcock+cockfuck+fucksuck=0$$

$$\therefore {fuck}^2+{suck}^2+{cock}^2=1-2\times0=1-0=1$$

$$\Box$$

P1923

P1922

P1921 Hell is totally cool…

Plunk Plink Plunk 
On a cloud and full of funk.
Can't find my asshole, where is it?
Maybe left it on earth, 
The last time I took a shit.
Plunkity Plunk Plunk.
A creepy bearded guy,
Looks like a hobo, la la lal la laa,
Showing him a finger right now,
Plink, ha ha and fucking ha 

If ambience was my point of concern, I’d go to hell in a heartbeat. I'd like hell, I think; it’s embellished, I've heard, with variety and excitement, torture and trauma. Heaven strikes me as unadorned and clinically bare. The description of heaven begs the question—who designed it? If the answer includes this hobo, then that’s one more reason why I wouldn’t want to stay here. I can see colorful articles of food decorating his beard. Jiminy fucking Cricket, aren't there any decent barbershops here, or a place to take a bath?

Clouds are probably okay for a week, but every day for eternity, now that’s inconceivably and inconveniently boring, almost a contrived punishment. Who would think you’d be punished in heaven? And what about stability? Imagine you get a chance to hobnob with an incredibly sexy angel when the fucking cloud under your feet disappears as rain. 

Haven’t we already suffered all sorts of clouds, having spent an entire lifetime with a sky over our silly heads? Given that, how the holy fuck can clouds entertain us? Creating slight variations of the cloudy day theme? That’s predictably unoriginal when, almost by definition, we're not good at predicting the weather. Looking at clouds from inside an aeroplane is great the first time, but it gets dull on the second ride. Imagine being stuck on a plane forever with nothing but clouds to look at. I say fuck clouds, and while we are at it, and if we get lucky, fuck rainbows.

And what’s with this harp shit? Do I have to take music lessons? What if I don’t want to? Can they kick me out of heaven and send me to hell, or even worse, back to earth?

Anyway, mister god, please hire the decorator who did hell. I mean, all this anally retentive stuff religions have people do throughout their lives and then it shovels them into this cheap motel with some clouds and a father for eternity. Most of us don’t even want to live with our own biological father, or the situational whoever, as the case may be. And eternity sounds like a harmless word, but eternity without variety is far more pernicious than a clear-cut exit.

Heaven's uninspiring. There would be, I'm quite certain, constant attention from gangs of nauseating religious asswipes, no television, and no internet porn. All that is enough to drive a grown man mad. Feminists would be pissed, as I only see shrivelled scrotal sacs with withered schlongs, not even loving men from what I see. And that’s not all. There's a chance I might have to board with the church people. The sort I can’t stand, even when they’re in their formals with their mouths shut. 

I say fuck heaven, let me go to hell, or if I don’t have a choice, go back to earth. At least there's a smartphone and home delivery. Oh, and porn. I wouldn’t be alive without it. Also, I need high-speed internet for porn. It's really a must-have. I like it hardcore. You know, where the girl takes off one piece of clothing at a time and then takes you in her ass.

But I know hell has its share of problems too, mainly allegorically. One theme that seems common across all religions is fire. And there seems to be a lot of fire in hell. It’s a technical requirement. You've got to burn these sinners on the stake, or for lesser fouls, simmer them for eternity. Think about how much fuel would be needed. What would you make of hell if you believed we were causing global fucking warming and assumed hell existed somewhere on the planet?

Also common across most mainstream hells is a CEO character at the helm. Christians call him the devil. He has an amazing job. A bonafide psychopath, he gets paid to be this sick, sadistic pervert. A hefty perk, eternal post, no competitors, and god’s scared stiff because he is the democratic opposite and the balance of power. You wouldn't know what good is without a relative comparison with the bad, and hell is as bad as it gets. The devil is in the driver's seat. Sinners look at him and shit in their pants. Then he burns the motherfuckers, their shit, and their pants and then gets to laugh — "Ha, Ha, and fucking HA!" Hell’s motto is "eternal damnation" with no exit signs. Cool concept. I’d love to be the devil's assistant. It's the best job to aspire to in the whole supernatural universe, and this blog will be my resume.

Plunkity Plinkity Plunk

That's it, that's it, god eats my shit,

Sends me to hell, scratching his ball.

There I find startled back to my sense,

I wasn't dead after all.

Plink Plunk Plonk.

 

P1920

P1919 Balls bloom in spring


Oh I'm a pretty pretty man,
Whose balls bloom in spring.
Need to get some nectar, 
Or I die a dumbass fledgling.

I flit from flower to flower, 
I poot the asshole arthropods away.
Today was a bad gas day I'd say,
My shit's blocking the way.

My luck is fucked, but I like to suck,
Whatever looks like a straw.
I've been foolish before, a painful sore,
Where moustachioed men spanked me raw.

The bitch I'm dating is behind a leaf,
Her ass makes even the taciturn talk.
I pretend I don't notice her looks, 
I fuck her asshole with a chalk.

She's fucking a caterpillar, 
A lover that always looks spooked. 
I'll light its cocoon on fire,
I'll clap until its cooked. 

The nectar gives me worms,
That itch at night and in the rain.
Makes me scratch my asshole like a whore,
Taking a shit is always a holy pain.

The maggots are faggots, 
I pick them from my shit and eat.
But before I toss them in my mouth, 
I roll them with my feet.

My eyes are blurry, speech a little slurry, 
A spray of hot piss hit my eyes.
The enemies are all around me,
They want to see me die.

But balls this ripe knows the rules well, 
I'll poke their asshole with a spiny stem. 
There are these overconfident acid ants, 
I'll go right now and urinate on them.

P1918

P1917

P1916

P1911 Health gone south

The world is full of bullshit people, 
They have the clout, loud and crass. 
Anyone else just toilet paper to them,
To wipe their shitty ass.

I hate everyone, I really do,
And everything in this world I see.
Forced on a staircase of lies,
That don't even belong to me.

Enemies and traitors, a tapestry of turds, 
Their vocabulary plain fucking lies.
They always shit in my mouth,
Their means, their end justifies.

Shitting from my mouth, my health gone south, 
Don't have any reason to prolong existence.
Bloated full of hate, I'm resigned to my fate,
An algebra of wretched subsistence.

The turds are so sickeningly smooth, 
The farts from my lungs like a cello.
My asshole is wrecked, I've inspected, 
Can't shit like an ordinary fellow. 

My soul to sell, to the nearest branch of hell,
My rectum is an injured abscess. 
I have nowhere to go, peristalsis in reverse flow,
Shit leaves a shitty recursive trace.

The reveries are sour, in my last hour,
It's perfectly alright to expect I die.
I spot a drop of red, a color I've always dread, 
Right in front of my one remaining eye.

Badly broken, and bad, flashbacks of the life I had,
As the blood drips from the internal sores. 
Way too weak to speak, muttering invectives, 
A failure at seven and four scores. 

The shit I shoot, balancing on one foot,
Is the color of horrible despair. 
All's hell that's fucking unwell, 
My life a series of nightmares.

 

P1910 Hackboy



I'll spank your ass with a ping pong bat,
I'll use your asshole to keep spare balls.
Every nightmare you lose a match,
I chase you naked through strange halls.

I'll hack your guts, I'll crush your nuts, 
I'll make sure you're never a dad. 
Look at my balls, tremble and fall,
I'm hackboy - the scantily clad.

I program bugs, but I appear deeply smug, 
I want to control software from home. 
In every layer of fat, I've hidden smelly rats,
That will start gnawing at your bone.

I like to look at girls, wearing pinkish pearls,
I wonder why they never look at me!
I'll sit on top of them, flattened vector planes, 
I'll force them to drink my pee.

What's that girl I see, blonde and kind of short, 
I want to please fuck her ass.
I'll eat all her shit, do what she thinks is fit,
Dance a jig with vodka in a glass.

Oy, my farts are warm, they do no harm,
I like to sit on a chair heated with it. 
The company where I work badly sucks ass, 
Their product is a box full of shit.

P1909

P1905 Why show all your teeth?

Darling why are you so upset,
Why show all your teeth?
Surely I can fuck if I try,
If I can talk my dick out of its sheath.

You know how tired I feel, 
Work is such a bossy bitch.
And when I come back home, 
You're working up a shrill pitch. 

Calm down and turn around,
I need to take a shit.
Last time you hated the color, 
The smell gave you a fit.

Don't worry our last eggs are good,
Maybe they're taking a little time. 
The grubs are warm inside the shells,
Pretty sure they're just fine.

Bake me a cake or something, 
I could appreciate a wine.
Be good to your man always, 
To get his dick in line. 



P1904 I dig my nose


I dig my nose, I think I'm close, 
For gold you never say never. 
I sit on a poplar branch, with a hunch, 
I'm a dude whose awfully clever. 

Today was all mixed results, 
Just gooey snot of some sort. 
The booger did ring my spectrometer, 
"Nothing of value" was its retort.

I'm hard at it, this is my life and shit,
My balls are just shriveled skin.
I'm so old, that only through gold, 
I'll be able to make a livin'.

And so I dig my nose,
I dig hard and every hour. 
The freaking world is failing on me,
And everyone's really sour.

They say "you're too honest", 
That serves no good end.
They say they'll cut my balls,
And stab me like a friend. 

I can't get a job these days,
They say your pubes are all white.
We want an impressionable mind,
To pack in it our shit tight. 

From branch to branch I hop,
No one wants me I see. 
It's all up to the gold in my old boogers, 
Only they can set me free.

 

P1903 I stepped on shit


I stepped on shit, I think this is really it,
The country to call my home,
Here I'll shit, in people's mouth I'll piss,
They'll gargle it into a foam. 

I'll be the leader of the land, I have planned, 
I'll fuck every asshole I meet.
If they don't accept my dick, they'll be sorry sick, 
And forced to eat my shit.

The cymbals will drive their earwax out,
Deafness for the fuck nuts. 
I'll skin their foreskin with a knife,
And shove it in their butts.

Haven't pissed for days,
A bladder full of frothy piss. 
When the smell makes them retch,
I'll push them into the abyss. 

I'd murder at will, guts I'll spill, 
Drive them to below a living wage.
I'll fuck their kids, auction them for bids,
Put them in a revolving cage.

It'll feel good, feed them my shit for food,
It'll make the fucks dull even more.
The guys will lose their spine, become asinine, 
The girls made into harem whores.

 

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