Man, it's tough out there in this crooked world, especially because I'm such a stickler for the straight. I am forthright, outspoken and defiant, incredibly unpopular and unpleasant features today. But I've come up with a few tricks of my own to make it a little easier to navigate this maze and stay intact. These aren't simple recipes, and I know that. Follow at your own risk. You might get ostracized, and end up as a reclusive retarded no-good depressed gent. I can't take any pride in these, and I've prefaced them with "I try", because sometimes the remedial conversations or comebacks often are tardy or quite removed from the word choices that I can make when I have cooled down to room temperature.
I try to stay true to my values. No one can make me compromise my beliefs, even if it would be easier to give in. That way, I can keep my self-respect from dropping too low. Although I get ass fucked as far as the opportunities go.
I try to set boundaries: if something doesn't feel right or doesn't match up with my values, I say fuck NO. in big capital letters. That way, I can sort of guard my dignity from leaking out. I brood endlessly over the matter and the characters in my mind become sworn enemies.
I try to communicate openly and honestly. I try to be upfront with the unreasonable, even if I think they might not be giving me the whole scoop. That way, we can build trust and have a more genuine vibe going forward. More ass fucking from backstabbing bastards.
I fail, but I try to surround myself with honest people. I try to hang out with people who value honesty, or at least don’t think it's a character flaw. That way, I can create a supportive environment where honesty is not aberrant. As I said I fail. I mostly find myself in a chain of blame and in shit hurling festivals and leave with injured self-esteem and acrimony.
I try to practice self-awareness: I try to pay attention to my own thoughts, feelings, and actions. If I catch myself thinking about doing something shady, I try to think about the possible consequences and make a better choice, or just stop where I am. This also means being aware of my own biases and trying to make fair and objective decisions. This is similar to masturbation in that the outcomes aren't persistent. The joy of relief is transient and is often followed by a permanent frown and depressive refractory period.
I try to be aware of the biases that dishonest people use to trick or manipulate others. Some common ones are confirmation bias, anchoring bias, social proof, authority bias, and scarcity bias. I try to watch out for these, so I can make better decisions and prevent getting deceived. But I fall for them nonetheless, when I'm not alert. People are cunning. They know when to fuck with you. Usually they choose an appropriate point of desperation.
It's not at all easy to stand up for my values, especially when most people around me don't share them. They think I'm a disturbing black-and-white photograph, embarrassingly anachronistic, and want me to leave in a hurry. As if they are looking at pornography in public.
But I believe for my sanity, it's more important to stay true to myself than to be popular. Even if it means going against the rabid grain or speaking up for what I believe in, I know that honesty is more important in the long run. It can have a big impact on my relationships and reputation, ones that matter, while popularity is often extremely fleeting. So, I try to make choices that align with my values, even if it means being inflexible. Or unpopular sometimes. Or weird. But I'm okay with those labels. I can't deny that I'm fucked up.
