Almighty god has given me this rod,
To help mankind save, you better behave.
I know how you think, but before you can blink,
Misfortune will befall the unbeliever's cave.
You must repeat, on my dirty feet,
An offering of gold and plenty everything.
If not you know what to expect,
Bees will your privates sting.
And not only that, mark that cat,
That crosses your path on your walk.
If you're not donating generously,
It will give you a remedial talk.
It'll tell about the layers of hell,
The preparation to get to it.
In various ways it will imply,
You're a stingy piece of shit.
So start today, cash the holiest way,
To walk the path to hindu heaven.
I also sell replica rods, and franchise plans,
Information on that is a thousand seven.
Mass psychosis is gold, you must be told,
People are prepared to believe anything.
Barnum statements come handy,
Train yourself on cold reading.
Plant paid informers who spy,
And invest on a ear in a hidden recess.
Use techniques that crooks use,
And you have a flowering business.
Prey on women and old, they're easily sold,
Steep their tea in deep dogma,
Gullible as clay, like flies to light,
They are attracted to superstition.
Whatever you do, don't get attached to,
Logic of any sort or form.
Bullshit is the language of the vague,
Always respect the religious norm.
Hire hecklers to disrupt piercing questions,
Speak less, in a convoluted hypnotic monotone.
Refer to yourself as a quantum ball,
Eat people's flesh to their dry bone.
Use social media, the fools are all online,
Books written about nothing make gold.
Add pseudoscience and astrology for spice,
The young whores will do what they're told.
More the lies, holier the disguise,
Soon your face will be on currency note.
Political power is part of how the crowds cower,
With this make sure you get the elected vote.
Everyone in the world is fucking each other,
It's really the only worthwhile thing to do.
Mixing it with a little abracadabra,
Helps to finance the family zoo.
