Waiting for the bulb to light,
Where's my electric force?
I'm chained to the miseries of mediocrity,
A drab and common existential course.
My small world is so full of hurt,
That injustice seems almost fair now.
My mind is injured and bleeding still,
More anger than it can allow.
Sometimes the anger boils into rage,
An unhelpful surrogate of undecidability.
I fail to understand how I arrived at,
This arrangement of futility.
I'm sure the crooked world is exhausting
Its finest unkindness on me.
And that like a seven course meal,
I've gone upto number three.
The lingering old memories haunt me,
In such a way only memories can.
I want to forget my past and me,
But the nightmares always foil the plan.
My hairs are gray, this moment too,
The depressed see things a different way.
My emotions are the sharpest thorns,
They cut me every bitter day.
My attention dull and inward turned,
An arrested space-time point.
I feel the layers of misdirected angst,
Fear bubbling at every joint.
This wasn't the trajectory I had dreamed up,
But I guess not all dreams come true.
I sit here corpse like, a heavy mind,
My reality upside down too.
Not the run-of-the-mill mind,
Fictions like water on lotus slide.
I can see into the hidden dimensions,
I cannot the stark reality hide.
The spiraling infinite spool,
Is out to get me I think.
I am mad, and I am raving,
Fading further into the blue.
