I scoop my poop, a horrible goop,
I tell you it makes me retch.
But that's what I eat, if I have to shit,
Cooking anew an expensive stretch.
Plus I'm a loner, sometimes with a boner,
I masturbate to keep myself fit.
Who knows when, a new miss in the glen,
Shows an interest in my shit.
The world is too sterile, vain and futile,
You can't close your eyes to shit.
It's always in your ass, specks of it in gas,
That I see everywhere flit.
I drown my sorrows well, just whiffs of urine smell,
Gets me out of the dumps real fast.
Please look for a miss, who might like my piss,
That relationship might long last.
I have a wart, near where I fart,
I want the miss to nurse and lick.
Sucking her glands, romantic rubber-bands,
A pony tail looks fancy slick.
Oh I don't know, my life without a ho,
Is pathetic and will be quite short.
Left to fuck my own ass, or just passing gas,
Wouldn't achieve anything of noble sort.
Die, die, die, I tell myself why,
Naturally because I'm all fucked up.
Will the gods not see, if they exist that is,
To a remedial tea in a golden cup?
Please god please, at least a cup full of piss,
From a miss with radiant grace.
I'll play a tune so fine, scratch my pubic vines,
Vomit up poetry on her face.
True, true, true, her eyes are blue,
And her hair a fancy blonde.
She knows how to carry, and cook me a curry,
Can I find her in this fermented pond?
